Everyday Observations
Basic Courtesy
Picture this. A rather large, amply proportioned elderly woman holding
two large shopping bags, stumbles on the bus. A three year old little
boy sitting on the seat next to the door slides off the seat and lets
the lady sit. The woman is overjoyed. She thanks the little boy, calls
him all nice, cute names and insists the mother take a brown bag full
of delicious Polish donuts. The little boy was my then 3 year old son
and he and I thoroughly enjoyed and shared the donuts with another
single mother and her two children in the building we lived in. My son
was merely imitating what he had observed me doing i.e. giving my seat
to a senior citizen, somebody with a physical disability and a pregnant
woman on the bus. We were rewarded more than once for our efforts. Apart
from the donuts my son was also given a small soft ball to play with
which he loved so much that he took with him to bed.
The other day I saw another elderly woman climb the bus. She was of
Iranian origin, covered from head to toe in black. She stood near the
gate apparently trying to look at the street names to see the one she
wanted to get off at. To the left and right of her and behind her sat
teenagers and twenty-somethings with their iPhone or iPod headphones
stuck in their ears, their feet or hands moving in time to the music.
Two of them were reading books as well. Not one of them moved to give
their seat to the woman. Now, it may be argued that they were too engrossed
in their music to hear or see what was going on around them. I beg to
differ because I saw two of them closest to the door look at the woman.
I stood there and waited but then even my patience has its limits. When
I saw the frail woman sway rather precariously when the bus took a sharp
turn, I walked over to the Oriental looking woman and tapped her on
her leg. She looked up from her book and gave me a quite irritated look.
I looked at her and pointed at the woman and raised my eyebrows. She
gave me a disgusted look, replaced her headphones and went back to reading
her book. The old lady touched my hand and shook her head so as to tell
me to leave it. I was by this time quite indignant so I touched the
girl on her leg again and told her in not so many words that she had
no manners if she did not give her seat for a senior citizen. I also
pointed at the sign behind her head on the window telling people to
give the seat to a senior citizen among others. She took her headphones
off, gave me the dirtiest look and as she got off said, and I quote
her exact words: "Okay, I'll get off. What's your problem, anyway?"
I shrugged her comments off as I helped the lady with her shopping cart
on the seat. The prayers I received from her and the invitation to her
house to eat the délectable Kabuli Pulao was the best reward I could
ever get.
When my mother was visiting me from Pakistan, I had to tell teenagers
and twenty-something men and women some 3 times a day to give my mother
a seat either on the metro or the bus. And my mother looks a decade
older than her 63 years so she cannot be mistaken for a 40 year old
by any stretches of imagination. Many a time I have had to tap young
people lost in their Android phones to leave their seats for either
a pregnant lady or a senior citizen and many a time I have been shot
dirty looks and some swear word muttered under their breath which is
quite lost on me as I don't understand Quebecois French much.
One such stubborn and in my opinion completely devout of manners,
black guy didn't move from his seat even though everybody else around
us in the bus berated him with sarcastic remarks. He continued to try
to stare me down while the old lady was given a seat a few seats away
by another senior citizen who was a few years younger but robust for
his years. When he got off the bus he muttered some swear words under
his breath and tried to hit my shoulder blade with his shoulder so as
to hurt me. Being a victim of my brother's pranks as a kid had developed
my quick reflexes and I moved away quite quickly. Bet he must've been
mighty upset at missing the target because he did turn back and almost
fell off the bus as the driver drove off a little before his second
foot left the floor of the bus. Some people along with me snickered
and I could imagine him shaking his fist at the moving bus which
made me smile to myself.
So my question is, where has basic decency, courtesy and manners gone
in the youth of today? Have they no sense of respect or feeling for
a person who is not able to stand for one reason or the other and deserves
a seat far more than the young person who is hale and hearty or merely
a tad bit tired after 2 hours of mathematics. I feel grateful to be
born in a culture which even though is intolerably conservative and
does not give women their time of day, still respects its elders and
gives them the appropriate respect they deserve. The prayers I receive
for giving my seat to a senior citizen, the thanks of a pregnant mother
who is bringing a new and cherished life into the world and the blessings
I get from the gentleman who was born blind and now walks with a cane
but is an accomplished pianist are the little gifts I can never be more
thankful to the Almighty for giving me. Of course the Polish donuts
and the splendidly delicious Afghani rice I was offered were added incentives.
So, will it take some kind of bribe to have a young person leave their
seat for a senior citizen a pregnant woman or a physically handicapped
person? Possibly a senior citizen offering a bag of cupcakes to the
blond woman who made a face for getting off her seat when I asked her
to give her place to a senior citizen or maybe some home cooked meatballs
to the young man who twisted his nose at me when I asked him to leave
his seat for the mother who had a large stroller with her crying baby
and two more tired, sniffling preschoolers in tow, rather late at night
last weekend.
Maybe there is hope in the young man who got up to give me a seat
last night when he saw me climb the bus with a large bag or the young
man on the metro who saw me climb stumbling into the metro to beat the
closing doors and said I could have his seat as he was getting off on
the next stop. There is also hope in the bus driver who stopped the
bus and told another woman to get up and give her seat to a pregnant
woman and when she didn't move, the driver said she could get off the
bus and take the next bus which did make the woman move, albeit very
reluctantly. There is also hope in the West African bus driver who lowered
the bus front door entrance for a young blind Concordia student with
a white cane and got off his driver's seat to help the young man to
his seat.
I feel the bus drivers do not do enough. They can easily ask younger
people to leave a seat or announce for somebody to give a seat to the
person when a senior citizen, physically disabled or pregnant woman
climbs the bus. A look in the front mirror can easily let the bus driver
see if somebody did as asked. They also need to drive a little slow
when such a person climbs the bus. More than once I have seen a senior
citizen sway dangerously and almost tip over and fall on their face
when the bus suddenly lurches forward. Calling out to give the seat
to such a person would allow the person to sit quickly and the bus driver
to be able to drive off quickly.
